Looking for Mushroom Guy

Prompt: Missed Connections

“Looking for Mushroom Guy” the Mushroom Girl posted online. It wasn’t long before her inbox filled.

“I am a mushroom guy!” One exclaimed. “I am a forager. I know where all the best morel patches are. I would love to take you hunting.”

The Mushroom Girl shook her head. She was not looking for a forager.

“I am the mushroom guy.” One stated matter-of-factly. “I can take your mind to new levels. How much do you want to buy?”

The Mushroom Girl laughed at that, and didn’t reply.

“I am a mushroom grower.” Another said. “I have shiitakes and oysters and lion’s mane and brown caps! Are you a hobbyist too?”

The Mushroom Girl sighed and kept scrolling.

“I am a mushroom guy.” Another claimed. “I am a chef that excels in delectable mushroom dishes. I would love to cook one for you, my darling.”

The Mushroom Girl shuddered. She certainly was not looking for a chef.

“I am a mycologist,” the last message said. “I study mushrooms at the university. I’m a very funguy!”

The Mushroom Girl laughed at his pun, but then she felt sad. No real Mushroom Men had responded to her search. Perhaps her post should have been more specific.

She put away her messages and kept looking the old-fashioned way, continuing her long meandering walk along the forest floor.